i went to the river nightly and put myself in to drown

cw: this post includes visceral themes around suicide including descriptions of suicide. if this is too much for you please take care of yourself and do not read.

as such, it is also for paid subscribers only. for care of myself in sharing it.

i suggest that those who do not understand mad liberation + non carceral approaches to suicidality will not understand this post. if you cannot tolerate holding that perspective i suggest you don’t read it. this pushes the bounds of what is “acceptable” - I talk about suicide directly including description. if you can’t handle that, don’t read this post.

to the mad ones who dance with suicide too, i know you’ll get this. <3 xo. and maybe in this you’ll find some solace. this one is for/with you.

playlist: Cocteau Twins - Cherry-coloured Funk

i can feel this one pushing up against the bounds of what i’m “supposed to do” which is exactly why i’m going to post it.

mad technologies have taught me so much, mainly, they’ve freed me. this is one example of a mad somatic meditation on my own suicide. which has been profoundly supportive to me in the way only a mad technology can; one that doesn’t give an answer or change the feelings exactly but is profoundly healing all the same… or how the land unlocks the power of the madness itself to bring you to a place you couldn’t have traveled otherwise.

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