simple grief practices

grief, like any emotion, is seeking expression.

grief seeks expression like water, like water seeks a creek, like water moves through the cracks, like water flows a river bed.

when grief is unable to be expressed, it moves like water.

stagnant. gummed up. mucky. disconnected from the fresh source that might replenish it.

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in our bodies, this might mean our lymph accumulates.

it might mean increased imflammation. difficulty moving. increased chronic illness symptoms.

feeling heavy especially in chest, lungs, stomach, torso, limbs.

difficulty sensing the body.

difficulty with digestion or sleeping.

our breath might feel heavy, dense, or constricted.


(please don't mistake me, not saying anyone's chronic illness symptoms are "all in their head." fuck that nonsense. just naming how our body and emotional state interact. our bodies respond to emotional state: that never makes our chronic illness "fake" or actually not happening. i.e. pain in our bodies that starts with or is because of grief is still real pain that might need meds, care, etc)


because of this, grief care means gently tending our own bodies.


similar to when you have been sick for a long time with food poisoning, grief impacts how much we can emotionally digest. so like with food poisoning, we start simple with tending our bodies in grief.


tending to eating. drinking enough water. getting plenty of rest. connecting with people or beings you love.


tending to our bodies in this way expands our body’s capacity to process, digest, + integrate grief.


(there’s a reason why in the midwestern culture of my maternal grandparents, the first question you ask if someone is grieving is “are you eating” and the second thing you do is you bring food.

we collectively know this - both the connection and the sustenance - is a way to support grief... I’m sure there are ways this happens in your culture, too.)


if you are experiencing grief,

I gently invite you to tend to these simple things.

and if you are in community with someone experiencing grief, I gently invite you to (consensually) offer these things.

water, food, rest, connection.

how do you need to tend to water, food, rest, connection today? how does your community need these things? what is one simple way you can do/receive one of these items in the next few hours?

ps. enrollment for my halfday somatic deathwork rite, The Collective Funeral, closes tomorrow. you can find out more + register here.